“Men don’t change until
You hurt enough that they have to,
Learned enough that they want to,
Grown enough that they’re able to”
– John Maxwell
You say that you want to have deeper more meaningful and intimate relationships. You say you want to change, so why aren’t you changing.
What are obstacles or roadblocks that are preventing you from changing? Are they real, imagined or just excuses for not changing? The only way to find out is to identify the obstacles or roadblocks.
Listed below are a few of the most common the obstacles or roadblocks that make change so challenging. Some I think you will find very familiar:
- Ignorance: face it you don’t know enough to implement this kind of change. You cannot use old knowledge to solve new problems or implement healthy change. If you already possessed the knowledge needed to have healthy intimate relationships, you would have already done it. Change takes learning new information, insight and understanding. Learning is the key to change, that’s why permanent change doesn’t come easy or quickly.
- Indecisive: this is where the tire meets the road. How much hurt will it take for you to determine that you need to make changes. Healthy intimacy isn’t going to magically happen in your relationships. But I assure you it will be well worth it.
- Insincere: you won’t change if you’re not totally committed to change. Changing for someone other than your self won’t last either. Changing to please someone else creates a moving target, where it’s never enough. Sincere change only happens when you do it for the right reason, the right way and at the right time. Change because it will help you to become the man you’ve always wanted to be.
- Independent: trying to implement change on your own takes twice the time and twice the emotional energy. Working with trusted mentor, coach, small group or friend supercharges you efforts. Your support team provides the wisdom, insight, and encouragement that you need to make permanent change. Healthy intimacy needs relationship for learning, growing and changing.
- Arrogance: I’ve heard these comments/excuses at least a thousand times, “that just the way I am”, “if people don’t like, then leave”, or “I’m too old, set in my ways to change”. Each has an air of arrogance that says you don’t need to change. If what you say is true, then why are your relationships struggling? Maybe it’s because you expect everyone else to change. Let me know how that works out for you.
Tune Up vs. Over-haul
When it comes to change all too many men, like you, think that you just need a tune up vs. an over-haul. Consequently with a “tune up” mindset you’re content to try quick fixes instead of look for defects that require more time, energy, and effort.
Forging and restoring healthy intimacy requires an “over-haul” mind set. A healthy intimacy “over-haul’ influences your beliefs, thinking, feelings, and actions like nothing you’ve ever experience. These kinds of changes are transformative. The kind of change enables you to become a man who is approachable, relational, and real. Isn’t that kind of change worth it?
I hope today’s blog has encouraged you. Make sure you sign up to receive blogs posted every Tuesday and Thursday. TransformingFamilies.org resources are designed to guide you through the restoration process of developing your heart, mind, and strength, enabling you to become the man God created you to be.
I also provide one-on-one coaching, if you want to improve your relationships, let’s connect through e-mail at ‘rturner@transformingfamilies.org’. My hope for you is that through these blogs, references, and resources, God will transform you from being bruised or broken to an abundantly blessed man.