I love editors. They make me look smarter than I am. They catch my mistakes – which are many. They correct them and make my writing easier to read. I’ve tried to be my own editor and failed miserably. No matter how many readers liked or didn’t like what I wrote, the editing critiques always stung the most.
It didn’t matter that 745 words were well written. I’d get caught up in the ten that weren’t. I focused on my failure, not my accomplishment. I know many men that do the same thing.
Why are we men like that?
Perhaps, it’s because we measure both success and our self-worth by our accomplishments. Consequently, our “to do” list becomes the currency measuring our self-worth. That’s not fair to us, nor is it fair to our relationships.
Why our relationships? Because the belief that accomplishments equal our self-worth and our worth of being loved by others sets a flawed foundation for a healthy relationship.
Relationships aren’t about getting “things” done. Relationships are about discovering and developing healthy intimacy. Healthy relationships are dynamic and always in motion. They’re either improving and moving forward or struggling and losing momentum.
It takes consistent and intentional healthy steps to move toward improvements that strengthen your relationships. It’s not easy to measure the progress of these steps, and working on restoring healthy relationships is risky. Here’s why:
- There is no guarantee that anything you try to change will work.
- Healthy relationships take two people who want to better their relationship.
- You have no control over the other person’s willingness to make the same effort.
Therefore, being willing to risk failure is the perfect approach to improving or restoring healthy intimacy in your relationship. Learning and applying new information is risky. Risk echoed in words of Thomas Jefferson, “If you want something you’ve never had, you must be willing to do something you’ve never done.”
Embracing failure as the path to success is the perfect mindset. Your willingness to go “all in” on restoring or transforming your relationships makes you the perfect failure.
In upcoming blogs, we will continue to discover ways to affirm, express emotions and feelings with loved ones. Make sure you sign up to receive blogs posted every Tuesday and Thursday. TransformingFamilies.org resources are designed to guide you through the restoration process of developing your heart, mind, and strength, enabling you to become the man God created you to be.
I also provide one-on-one coaching, if you want to improve your relationships, let’s connect through e-mail at ‘firstname.lastname@example.org’. My hope for you is that through these blogs, references, and resources, God will transform you from being bruised or broken to an abundantly blessed man.