Hopefully, you’ve discovered from my blog posts, coaching, and counsel that breaking free from any form of sexual dependency should not be a “self-help” process. On the contrary, isolation, and loneliness are the hallmarks of a self-mentored man. Healthy men need the support, friendships, and encouragement of others to stay the course and complete the healing process.
We learn and grow to be healthy men by interacting with healthy men. Therefore I encourage you to seek the insights, wisdom, experience, and support of other men. You have tried doing it on your own. How has that worked for you?
Forging new relationships with healthy men is an essential part of the process. You were never meant to do this on your own. Your father and grandfather were supposed to mentor and model healthy, intimate male relationship skills for you. Unfortunately, that did not happen.
Furthermore, today’s mixed-up manhood culture has mentored you to view other men as competitors, not comrades. Thus, every encounter becomes a competition to determine who is the better man. This only perpetuates the myth that you can measure your worth by your wallet, your possessions, your power, or your prestige. All of this continues to mask who you really are.
Men mentoring men is crucial to the restoration process. You’ve probably had more “friendships” with women, but very few men. This is due in part because you don’t know how to develop and maintain healthy relationships with other men. However, it’s mostly because you know that women don’t think like men, and you believe that it’s easier to hide who you really are with them. A man would pick up on your masks or efforts to manipulate the relationship. It’s time to stop hiding in plain sight. Ouch, I know that hurt.
The hard truth is that you might be afraid of having relationships with other men. Let me assure you it may be scary at first, but in the end, it’s liberating. Here are some examples of the benefits. You’ll learn:
- You’re not alone in the way you think and feel.
- A lot of other men struggle with sexual dependency issues, just like you.
- To let go of the masks, you wear to hide your true self and how emotionally exhausting the pretending is.
- To be more social in the company of healthy men and their families.
- Finding the “right woman” only happens when you focus on becoming a healthy man.
These benefits are just the tip of the iceberg.
You’ve tried figuring this relationship thing out by yourself. That hasn’t worked. You’ve attempted to isolate yourself, and that hasn’t worked. It has only added to your misery.
If this sounds like you and you’re ready to make changes, check out a couple of previous blog posts: “Made to Believe You’re Not Strong Enough” and “The Courage to Ask for Help.” Also, look for more blogs addressing this topic in the coming weeks.
If today’s blog was encouraging to you, take sure you sign up to receive blogs every Tuesday and Thursday. TransformingFamilies.org was created to enable you to discover and develop authentic, healthy intimacy in all your relationships.
FYI: I also provide one-on-one coaching, if you would like to improve your relationships, or you want someone to talk to, e-mail me at ‘email@example.com’, and we’ll schedule a time to connect. My hope for you is that through these blogs, references, and resources, God will transform you from being bruised or broken to an abundantly blessed man.