The Challenges of Making Lasting Change


“Men don’t change until

You hurt enough that you have to,

Learned enough that you want to,

Grown enough that you’re able to.”

                                                                                 – John Maxwell

You say that you want to have deeper more meaningful and intimate relationships.  You say you want to change, so why aren’t you changing.

What are obstacles or roadblocks that are preventing you from changing?  Are they real, imagined, or just excuses for not changing?  The only way to find out is to identify the obstacles or roadblocks.

Listed below are a few of the most common the obstacles or roadblocks that make change so challenging.  Some I think you will find very familiar:

  • Impatience: The process of lasting change requires learning and growing. Both take time and patience.  Time to consistently apply what you are learning in small steps.  Just one degree of change over time equates to significant growth that will last a lifetime.
  • Ignorance: face it you don’t know enough to implement this kind of change. You cannot use old knowledge to solve new problems or achieve healthy change.  If you already possessed the knowledge needed to have healthy intimate relationships, you would have already done it.  Change takes learning new information, insight, and  Learning is vital to change; that’s why permanent change doesn’t come easily or quickly.
  • Indecisive: this is where the tire meets the road. How much hurt will it take for you to determine that you need to make   Healthy intimacy isn’t going to magically happen in your relationships.  However, I assure you it will be well worth it.
  • Insincere: you won’t change if you’re not totally committed to change. Changing for someone other than your self won’t last either.  Changing to please someone else creates a moving target, where it’s never enough.  Sincere change only happens when you do it for the right reason, the right way and at the right time.  Change because it will help you to become the man you’ve always wanted to be.
  • Independent: trying to implement change on your own takes twice the time and twice the emotional energy. Working with a trusted mentor, coach, small group or friend supercharges your  Your support team provides the wisdom, insight, and encouragement that you need to make permanent change.  Healthy intimacy needs a supportive relationship for learning, growing and changing.

Tune-up vs. Over-haul

When it comes to change all too many men, like you, think that you just need a tune-up versus an overhaul.  Consequently, with a “tune-up” mindset, you’re content to try quick fixes instead of looking for serious defects that require more time, energy, and effort.

Forging and restoring healthy intimacy requires an “over-haul” mindset.  A healthy intimacy “over-haul’ influences your beliefs, thinking, feelings, and actions like nothing you’ve ever experienced.  These kinds of changes are transformative.  The kind of change enables you to become a man who is approachable, relational, and real.  Isn’t that kind of change worth it?

If today’s blog was encouraging to you, take sure you sign up to receive blogs every Tuesday and Thursday.  was created to enable you to discover and develop authentic, healthy intimacy in all your relationships.

FYI: I also provide one-on-one coaching, if you would like to improve your relationships, or you want someone to talk to, e-mail me at ‘’, and we’ll schedule a time to connect. My hope for you is that through these blogs, references, and resources, God will transform you from being bruised or broken to an abundantly blessed man.

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