I have purposely used the words “forging” and “restoring” throughout my blog posts, articles, and resources because of what I witnessed while working with men like you for over twenty years.
For many men, the whole idea of re-forging, restoring, and transforming their identity is totally foreign. But, you do like the sound of it. Although it rings true in your heart, your brain strain at the challenge. This is how I felt at the beginning, so don’t worry you’re in good company.
Essentially forging and restoring is the process of developing a whole new, healthier way of believing, thinking, and feeling about you.
To forge means, “to form or bring into being especially by an expenditure of effort.” As you work through the restoration process, you’ll begin to forge a healthy new identity out of the broken self-made man that you were.
You’ll discover the virtues vital to becoming a healthy man has always been within you. These virtues make you uniquely YOU. When the virtues are forged together, they reveal who you really are, and a vision of the man that you can still be.
Restoration means, “the act or process of returning something to its original condition by repairing it, or cleaning it. Restoring means, “returning something to an unimpaired or improved condition,” such as the restoration of a house.
Restoration recognizes the unique value of something or someone. Whether it an old Victorian home, a ‘54 Chevy Truck, or a broken, lost, and lonely man, all are uniquely valuable.
Restoration requires carefully dismantling the unique parts so that they are not damaged in the process. Once removed, you can get to, repair, restore, and perhaps enhance the impaired parts, making it stronger than before. In the example of an old Victorian home, you would carefully remove the 100-year-old walnut wood trim, crown molding, and baseboards before opening the walls to work on the electrical, heating, and plumbing.
Restoration requires patience. It requires carefully dismantling and cataloging parts each step of the way, so as not to damage the valuable unique parts we all admire.
It’s the same with broken and self-mentored men like you. Although you are unique and valuable, neither your head nor your heart believes that to be true. Yet within you are strengths and virtues that lie hidden beneath your rough and tough masculine mask. Through restoration of your head and heart (what you believe and think about yourself), your true strengths and character will be revealed. Restoration, from the inside out, will enable you to live life according to your beliefs that reinforce the virtues foundational to your healthy new identity.
Remember that one of the greatest barriers to genuine intimacy is a man’s belief that he is somehow flawed, a failure, or broken beyond repair. Your unhealthy identity won’t allow you to be truly intimate with anyone. If others get too close to your heart, you fear that they will see how flawed and broken you believe yourself to be. Although healthy intimacy is what you long for, your flawed identity won’t allow you to be that transparent or vulnerable with anyone.
Fortunately the forging and restoration process will change all of that! As you begin to see yourself as you truly are and can be, barriers to healthy intimacy are dismantled and destroyed. You become approachable, open, and able to develop deep abiding intimate relationships with those you love.
“If you want something you’ve never had, you must be willing to do some things you’ve never done”
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FYI: I also provide one-on-one coaching, if you would like to improve your relationships, or you want someone to talk to, e-mail me at ‘firstname.lastname@example.org’, and we’ll schedule a time to connect. My hope for you is that through these blogs, references, and resources, God will transform you from being bruised or broken to an abundantly blessed man.