Believing I Was Too Broken

I used to think that I was too broken to be worthy of any one’s love, friendship, or that I could do anything worthwhile.  My faults and failures lined the hallways of my heart, reminding me of my past and all my poor choices.  Faults and failures hidden behind a superficial self-promoting facade.  “Fake it till you make it” was my motto.   So, I became fluent at faking it.

When you’ve spent your life trying to be somebody, but never really knowing who that somebody is, you try to act the part hoping you’ll figure out the right thing to say or do before everyone finds out the truth.

At first, my goal was to become so successful professionally that it would wipe out any past failure.  I accomplished that, several times succeeding beyond my wildest dreams.  However, upon reaching the pinnacle success, I had no one to share my accomplishments with, which turned out to be what I wanted, really needed was someone who knew me and still loved me.  Which I believe would never happen because letting someone be that close, being that transparent, was terrifying.

Shackled by this fear, all of my relationships ended in disaster.  There weren’t enough masks to cover my doubt, fear, and intimacy ignorance.  I didn’t believe them when they said, “I love you,” because only I knew how much of me that I wouldn’t share.   Allowing anyone that close would expose the stench of the toxic trash permeating throughout my heart, much like a hoarder’s house.

After so many failed relationships with family, friends, and colleagues, I began to believe that I was too broken even for God.

Then heard a quote by Max Lucado that changed my life: “God loves you just the way you are, but He refuses to leave you that way.  He wants you to be just like Jesus”. 

Are you kidding me? God loves me just the way that I am?  Doesn’t He know everything about me?  All the failures, the facade, the fake it till you make it man that I am?   Me, the professing Christian that knows a lot about God, yet never really knowing God.  My Christianity had been just another mask.

Yet, for reason’s only God knows, Max Lucado’s quote struck a chord deep within my soul.  For the first time in my life, someone who knew everything about me said that He loved me.  Loving me so much that He would do the impossible, turn my trash into treasure through his saving and sustaining grace.

Restoring my heart began with letting go of everything that I believed about me, transforming my heart, mind, and soul through learning what God believes about me, that in Him, anything is possible.  That His grace reaches even the darkest, doubting heart.

²⁶ The disciples were even more amazed, and said to each other, “Who then can be saved?” ²⁷ Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.” Mark 10:26-27

Beginning that day, God began to turn my trash into His treasure.  All the articles, blogs, and curricula, especially “Rescuing the Rogue,” are born out of His transformational love.  Treasure to be shared with you and all the men who are tired of “faking it.”

¹⁷ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! ¹⁸ All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation”.  2 Corinthians 5:17-18

I’m still in the process of becoming a “new creation,” loving the man that I am today, knowing that God loves me too much to stop here because His treasure in me is still being revealed, restored, and transformed.  And He’s ready and willing to do the same for you.

If today’s blog was encouraging to you, take sure you sign up to receive blogs every Tuesday and Thursday.    TransformingFamilies.org  was created to enable you to discover and develop authentic, healthy intimacy in all your relationships.

FYI: I also provide one-on-one coaching, if you would like to improve your relationships, or you want someone to talk to, e-mail me at ‘rturner@transformingfamilies.org’, and we’ll schedule a time to connect. My hope for you is that through these blogs, references, and resources, God will transform you from being bruised or broken to an abundantly blessed man.