“Life’s rough Dad, get a helmet.” That’s what my youngest daughter said to me after listening to me complain about life not going my way that day. Definitely a LOL, moment I will always remember. Funny because it was a very clever turn of phrase. Funny because it’s my daughter is giving me advice instead of the other way around. Moreover, although not funny, it spoke volumes about my daughter’s belief about life.
Life is rough, not fair, and there are not many people trying to make life fair or easy.
Unfortunately, all too many people waste time grumbling and complaining because they believe that life should be easier. Why is that?
It goes back to previous generations who worked hard to get ahead. As their children grew, their goal was that their children would have a better life than they did — a very admirable goal for any parent.
However, over time, the word “better” got translated to “easier.” Consequently, parents began “preparing the road they wanted for their children instead of preparing their children for the reality of the rough road ahead” Unfortunately, making life easier, doesn’t nurture resilience. Moreover, because life is rough, resilience is essential to being successful in any part of life.
What is resiliency? Resiliency is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties, mental and emotional toughness.
So what’s all of this have to do with being a healthy man?
Many men, young and old, still hold on to the borrowed belief that life should or needs to be easier. Instead of learning to resilient, they choose to escape this “un-fairness” through self-medication using porn as their preferred remedy.
As pointed out in a previous blog, the University of Arkansas study found that a third of men use porn to ease boredom or stress. Porn has become a fix for frustration to avoid or delay dealing with the real problem. Over time, this weakens or impairs healthy coping skills, stunting emotional maturity, which aide in resiliency.
In other words, using porn undermines resiliency, the very virtue needed to be successful in every area of life. Success in career, education, relationships, and life requires resiliency. Resiliency embraces the belief that life is rough, but because you prepared for it being rough, you still can and will succeed.
Jesus referred to this in John 16:33, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
Therefore, true resilience comes from trusting and relying on Christ. Faith that though we when we walk through difficult and dark valleys, He is with us and will get us through these difficult times.
So how resilient are you? How are you when the going gets rough? Perhaps you need to nurture a much more resilient heart or mindset. Start by talking with and learning from persevering people you may already know. Someone that I’ve admired for years is Jody Erickson Tada whose faced debilitating challenges, yet demonstrating resilience through her faithful trust in our Heavenly Father. Read biographies like Jody’s, how she handled adversity. Glean from their “valley of the shadow of death” experiences, how God was with them through it, and how He used it to develop deeply resilient faith. Listen, learn, and begin putting into practice what you’ve learned. Resiliency is a virtue that can be nurtured and strengthened over time.
So when life gets rough, reach for your helmet. Resiliency
I hope today’s blog has encouraged you. Make sure you sign up to receive blogs posted every Tuesday and Thursday. TransformingFamilies.org resources are designed to guide you through the restoration process of developing your heart, mind, and strength, enabling you to become all that God created you to be.
I also provide one-on-one coaching, if you want to improve your relationships, let’s connect through e-mail at ‘firstname.lastname@example.org’. My hope for you is that through these blogs, references, and resources, God will transform you from being bruised or broken to an abundantly blessed son or daughter.