Guest Blog By Rob Maroney, Co-author of Hope After Hurt
Author and therapist Jay Stringer writes, “Unwanted sexual behaviors are due to the unexamined and therefore unresolved issues in our lives.” My struggle with the pain of unexamined and unresolved issues allowed shame to become one of the most effective weapons to shut me down and cause me to hide.
Shame is a profound feeling that I am inherently weak, that I am damaged and unworthy of love. One of the first symptoms of underlying shame is isolation. Shame steals, kills, and destroys our integrity and joy as a man or woman. In my reluctance to relive and reveal parts of my story, I resisted looking at those things in my heart I didn’t want to remember.
There are parts I would rather dismiss, gloss over, or even rewrite in my story. But quickly driving past these scenes, as if they didn’t exist or had no impact, was not honest and built a wall against the transformational work of God in my life. I believe now more than ever that the past is not the past when it invades the present.
In my confusion about virtues and to protect myself from being hurt, I locked my heart in a coffin, much the way C. S. Lewis described in The Four Loves: “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up in the casket or coffin or your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” Love involves risk, but the risk of not loving means your heart changes; it becomes unbreakable, but brokenness is the pathway to healing.
Available at your favorite on-line bookstore!
Hope After Hurt
By Roxanne & Rob Maroney
In Hope after Hurt, Roxanne and Rob reveal not only how their marriage was rescued from becoming another casualty but how they were set on the path to creating something entirely new. Opening up about secrecy, lies, broken trust, loss of connection, and damaged intimacy, this is not just a story of two flawed people and their need for repair but also an honest account of more than forty years of healing using practical tools for greater connection and intimacy in marriage. Hope after Hurt offers real-life examples and a roadmap to healthier relationships for all couples. Whether single, dating or married, this book will transform your relationship. If you struggle to find hope, read Hope after Hurt before you do anything else.
Whether single, dating or married, this book will transform your relationship. If you struggle to find hope, read Hope after Hurt before you do anything else.
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I hope today’s blog has encouraged you. Make sure you sign up to receive blogs posted every week. At TransformingFamilies.org, our resources are designed to guide you through the restoration process of developing your heart, mind, and strength, enabling you to become the man or woman God created you to be.
I also provide one-on-one coaching; if you want to improve your relationships, let’s connect through e-mail at ‘firstname.lastname@example.org’. My hope for you is that through these blogs, references, and resources, God will transform you from being bruised or broken to an abundantly blessed child of God.