Although you deeply desire healthy intimate relationships, just knowing this doesn’t make achieving it a quick and easy process. There are deep-rooted barriers that will hinder and undermine our efforts to develop healthy intimacy.
The top five barriers to healthy intimacy are our faults, our fears, our failures, our fixes, and our intimacy ignorance.
Our Faults: A healthy identity is critical to being able to both express and receive healthy intimacy. If we believe that we are broken, somehow so flawed or incapable of learning healthy intimacy, this belief will hold our heart hostage.
Consequently, we won’t be able to allow anyone into our heart. This false belief binds our heart like heavy barbed wire digging ever deeper when anyone who tries to get close to us. Consequently, our belief that we are too broken to be loved cause us to repel from the piercing pain resulting in withdrawing to isolated loneliness, even within our own home.
Our Fears: We do not like to talk about our fears or being afraid because our tainted masculine culture has taught us that a “real” man should never be afraid. Therefore, except in dire circumstances like being in combat or a medical crisis, “real” men shouldn’t be afraid of anything. However, honest men do have fears, and we are afraid. These fears may be born out of long lost battles from a time when we thought that we were strong and invincible. Although emotional scars aren’t as visible as physical scars, they tend to be more crippling. They are especially crippling when it comes to fears born out of unhealthy or abusive relationships.
Our Failures: Anyone who attempts anything new or unfamiliar knows what it’s like to fail at something. However, if failing becomes an all too common experience in our life, especially within our relationships, we begin to see ourselves as a failure. Even if based on unrealistic expectations, once we’ve branded our self a failure, this becomes a very formidable barrier to any healthy relationship. Consequently, every mistake from that moment on becomes another self-confirmation to our belief that we are a failure — forever tattooed above the doorway to our heart.
Our Fixes: When our history haunts us, either growing up abused, plenty of broken promises, our own failed relationships often results feeling isolated and lonely. Attempting to bear these burdens alone, we often reach for “quick fixes” to get us through the hour, day, week or years. Unfortunately fixes like pornography, affairs, alcohol, drugs or becoming a work-alcoholic temporarily mask the misery. So we settle for these temporary pleasures because we lack connection or resources for finding real solutions. Unfortunately the only thing our “fixes” do is fool us, then bind us into an addiction that drags us further into bondage.
Our Intimacy Ignorance: Ignorance is often viewed as a condescending word. The definition of ignorance includes the following: being unaware, uninformed, or un-knowledgeable. No one likes to be seen as ignorant, especially men. However, if you have no knowledge or experience of something like healthy intimacy, you are honestly ignorant. However, ignorance once revealed, provides an opportunity for us to seek the knowledge and understanding that can strengthen and deepen our relationships with loved ones.
Does all of this sound familiar? What barrier do you struggle with the most? In upcoming blogs we will help you discover how to overcome these barriers to healthy intimacy once and for all.
If today’s blog was encouraging to you, take sure you sign up to receive blogs every Tuesday and Thursday. TransformingFamilies.org was created to enable you to discover and develop authentic, healthy intimacy in all your relationships.
FYI: I also provide one-on-one coaching, if you would like to improve your relationships, or you want someone to talk to, e-mail me at ‘rturner@transformingfamilies.org’, and we’ll schedule a time to connect. My hope for you is that through these blogs, references, and resources, God will transform you from being bruised or broken to an abundantly blessed man.
Relationship Resources available at TransformingFamilies.org
Forging Resilient Relationships “Forged” transforms a man’s understanding and ability to develop healthy intimate relationships. Forged empowers us to become valiantly intimate men through the grace-filled guidance of God’s Word. This revolutionary program enables men like us to discover and develop the Five Pillars of authentic God-given intimacy in all our relationships, equipping us to forge relationships that last a lifetime.
Through Forged, we will discover how to;
- Dismantle the barriers to healthy intimate relationships
- Reveal and restore our God-given identity
- Conquering fears that hindered us from becoming the man God created us to be.
- Eliminate harmful habits like deceit, lust, pornography, or sexual dependency
- Discover and develop the Five Pillars of healthy intimacy
- Expand your ability to communicate in deeply meaningful ways with family and friends
- Equip you to forge intimate relationships that last a lifetime
Multi-faceted Format
Forged is uniquely designed to be used in five distinct formats; as a small group curriculum, relationship workshops, themed retreats, self-guided study, and a one-on-one coaching tool.
If you are interested in developing an aftercare program for your counseling, church or men’s ministry, checkout our Faclitators Package. We will provide training and promotional materials to help you launch Forged in your men’s group, church, or counseling/coaching ministry. For more information, please contact me at rturner@transformingfamilies.org
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