Pursuing Porn Can Create a Predator Mindset

A man or woman who constantly pursues porn or any kind of unhealthy sexual gratification often begins to develop a predator mindset.  A predator is a person who ruthlessly exploits others for their own pleasure or gain.  This persistent pursuit evolves into an obsession of compulsive masturbating, endless one night stands, lunchtime hookups, countless hours searching the internet, or having multiple affairs.  Like predators, you are always on the look for opportunities to catch a glimpse of your “prey”.  Perhaps you’ll see some skin, exposed cleavage or quick look down her blouse.  Or your preference may be porn pictures or videos that add to your growing mental library.  You life revolves around searching out more and more images.  Images you can consistently call upon when you want to masturbate to help you feel good.  The end result is that this predatory mindset now controls you.

You are not alone; millions of men struggle with the pursuit of porn or unhealthy sexual gratification on a daily basis.  A pursuit that now runs, rules and eventually ruins their day.

So how do you break free from this mindset?

First is admitting that you have a problem.  Second is to seek help; few men can free themselves of the pursuit of porn or sexual gratification once it’s become such a predator mindset.

Letting go and gaining freedom from this mindset means revealing all of your secrets.  “You can’t heal what you won’t reveal.”  One key step toward freedom is revealing all of your predatory practices.  You do that by documenting a detailed inventory of all the “tips and tricks” you use to fulfill your sexual fix.  Here are three ways that I recommend.

1. Fantasies: List in graphic detail all of the fantasies that your mind has stored for use in masturbating, sexual arousal or to just feel good. ALL of them!  You may need many more pages to complete this first assignment.  Once you’ve completed your list, show it to a trusted friend or counselor.  Shine a light on your fantasies for what they truly are.  As you reveal them, focus on letting them go, and stop pursuing them.   Place guards on your phone, computer or anything that gives you social media access.
2. Females: List all of the females that you find sexually attractive that are not your wife or girlfriend. Those in your family, neighborhood, at work, at stores you frequent and a church or clubs where you frequent.  Once you’ve completed your list, show it to a trusted friend or counselor.  Shine a light on your temptations and who they.  As you reveal them, let them go, and hold yourself accountable to stop pursuing them.
3. Fine-lines: List all of the shows, magazines, or media that you read or watch with the hope that you’ll see something sensual like her nipples protruding through her dress, a nude scene, bouncing breasts or showing her vaginal cleavage through her clothing. This is the “fine-line” of dancing in the grey area.  These are not X, or even R rated movies, magazines or media, but you know which ones are your “go to” when you’re on the hunt for something sensual.  Be mindful that “you are as sick as your secrets” applies here, so once you’ve completed your list, show it to a trusted friend or counselor.  Shine a light on your temptations and who they.  As you reveal them, let them go, and stop pursuing them.  Develop an accountability partnership with a trusted male friend who will ask you the tough questions and hold you to your goal of being free of these unhealthy sexual pursuits.

As you work with a trusted male friend or counselor on each of the steps, you will begin the process of letting go of the predator mindset.  The added bonus is that you’ll begin seeing women in a healthier light, which will enable you to pursue healthy intimacy within your relationship.  An intimacy that is far better and more rewarding than the fleeting fantasies of your past.

I hope today’s blog has encouraged you.  Make sure you sign up to receive blogs posted every Tuesday and Thursday. TransformingFamilies.org resources are designed to guide you through the restoration process of developing your heart, mind, and strength, enabling you to become the man God created you to be.

I also provide one-on-one coaching, if you want to improve your relationships, let’s connect through e-mail at ‘rturner@transformingfamilies.org’.  My hope for you is that through these blogs, references, and resources, God will transform you from being bruised or broken to an abundantly blessed man.