Letting go of the Pain of Your Past: Part One


Previously I shared how that the memories that haunt of your heart never go away. They remain right where you left them.  As long as they remain unresolved, the emotions you feel today will always trigger one or two of these unpleasant memories just when you least expect it, often ruining your day or influencing your current relationship.

Consequently, many men continue to suppress or hide their emotions to avoid dealing with their unresolved past.

However, it doesn’t have to be that way.  If we want to be able to recognize, affirm and express our emotions freely, we need to let go of the memories that haunt the hallways of our heart.  We can only do this by letting go of the pain of our past.

Remember, how you handle your own heart, predicts how you will treat the hearts of others!  Your heart is core to your beliefs.  It’s where you think your innermost thoughts and hide secrets known only by you.  It’s where you condemn yourself for faults and failures, both real and perceived!

It’s where the pain of your past meets with the present.  The hallways of your heart are cluttered with broken promises to yourself and others!

“Most men don’t grasp the power of their “painful” past!  The pain grips them with vice-like talons relentlessly clawing and ripping at their hearts, their hope, and their souls until no strength remains and all attempts to soar are abandoned!”

Moreover, when you’ve abandoned any hope of having a truly intimate relationship, you’re left sitting among the toxic rubble silently suffering in thoughts of what “could have been!”

Therefore your belief about yourself, your heart, and your hopes are the foundation and the frame on which all relational restoration is constructed.

If you’ve come to believe that you aren’t worth loving, you won’t believe that you are worth restoring.  So, you will settle for just fixing!  Fixing doesn’t address the broken, rotting, and rusting infrastructure!

Teaching you how to nurture true relational intimacy without addressing the memories that haunt your heart is like painting over peeling plaster or over a rusted fender!  Sure, if you use enough paint, it will look good short term.  However, long-term, the broken and rusting infrastructure will bleed through, revealing the flaws and weaknesses.

Only when you begin to restore belief in yourself, will you be able to develop genuinely healthy and deeply abiding intimacy!  This can happen if you are letting go of the guilt and embrace the value of forgiving yourself

For now know this, forgiving yourself of past mistakes, failures and poor choices is vital to becoming the healthiest man you can be.  You can’t earn forgiveness, but you can choose to grant it.  We discuss this further in part two: “Letting Go of the Guilt.”

This is why I created UnbreakableBond.org to guide you through the restoration process. Restoration begins with the belief that what’s there is unique, valuable, and worth restoring.  You are unique, valuable, and worth restoring.  However, restoration takes time to carefully preserve what’s unique and valuable, while repairing what isn’t working.  Remember, “What comes easy won’t last.  What lasts won’t come easy.”

I hope today’s blog has encouraged you.  Make sure you sign up to receive blogs posted every Tuesday and Thursday. TransformingFamilies.org resources are designed to guide you through the restoration process of developing your heart, mind, and strength, enabling you to become the man God created you to be.

I also provide one-on-one coaching, if you want to improve your relationships, let’s connect through e-mail at ‘rturner@transformingfamilies.org’.  My hope for you is that through these blogs, references, and resources, God will transform you from being bruised or broken to an abundantly blessed man.

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