Man’s Struggle with Intimacy Ignorance

ben-white-302160-764x512All too many men today have had to mentor themselves into manhood.  As a result an unhealthy masculine culture has evolved which glorifies a man’s aggressive, competitive, and controlling nature.  Bolstered by the media, it perpetuates the myth of the “self-made man” compelling men to lead lives of isolation, void of deep meaningful intimate relationships.

Yet when asked you like most men long for true intimacy.  You deeply desire to truly know a woman or loved one intimately!  You long to be intimately known by your wife or girlfriend, your children, or a close friend.

However you don’t have a clue as to what true intimacy really is.  It wasn’t modeled in your home by your father, uncles, coaches, or any other men you’ve knew during your formative years.  Consequently having never been taught to you, it leaves you no reference for your self-guided mentorship to manhood.

Most of what you understand as intimacy has been “caught” not taught.  Much like “Forest Gump” who in an effort to fulfill his promise to his best friend Bubba, started fishing for shrimp.

After being discharged from the Army, Forest bought a boat and nets, sailed smartly out of the bay into the wide open ocean, because everyone knows that’s where the shrimp live.  After going “far enough” Forest dropped his nets and began dragging his nets mile after mile along the ocean floor.  But for all of his hope and efforts he never caught more than four or five shrimp.  Forest knew that he wanted to catch shrimp and he knew that shrimp lived in the ocean.  But he didn’t have a clue as to where find them much less how to catch them.

Sadly men are as clueless when it comes to intimacy.  

  • You desire healthy intimacy, but truthfully don’t really know what healthy intimacy is.
  • Moreover you haven’t a clue as to what it true intimacy looks like, much less how to nurture or develop healthy intimacy within your relationships.

Consequently you journey through life watching and hoping like Forest that you’ll catch on to what intimacy truly is.  Or at least discover something useful that resembles intimacy.  Anything that you can use so that it at least “appears” as if you know what you’re doing.

Unfortunately like most men, you rarely ask questions regarding intimacy, because questions will reveal just how ignorant you really are.  Therefore you, like most men trudge through life harboring an intimacy ignorance that haunts your heart.  All the while, being fearful that your wife or girlfriend will discover your intimacy ignorance before you can figure this intimacy thing out.

And like many men, your only reference to what you believe to be intimacy came as the result of emotional revelation.

In your younger years you met a woman whom you truly believed that you loved.  During your sexual intercourse, you experience your first real extremely emotionally laden orgasm!  At that moment, you experienced a physical, mental, and emotional closeness to her like nothing you’ve ever known.  The lingering feelings are intoxicating and permanently tattooing the euphoria of that moment on the hallway of your heart.

Therefore you conclude that THIS sexual experience is what you believe intimacy to be.  Furthermore you also mistakenly conclude that she was feeling the same thing therefore you need to do THIS as often and often as possible!

Consequently THIS sexual experience is what you will spend the rest of your life pursuing, not realizing that THIS is only a small part of what true intimacy really is.

Therefore your ignorance compels you to highly prize and pursue THIS kind of intimacy as to what it means to be loved.  Blinded by passion, emotion, and ignorance you began a life-long pursuit of sexual gratification or “rogue intimacy” as the measure of love.

Sound familiar?  So you may ask if that isn’t intimacy what healthy intimacy is.  Can healthy intimacy be learned, expressed and experience even if I’m not the young man I use to be?

Absolutely, you can learn to understand what healthy intimacy is and how to both express and receive healthy intimacy within your closest relationships  I will share how to become intimately intelligent in the upcoming blogs.

I hope today’s blog has encouraged you.  Make sure you sign up to receive blogs posted every Tuesday and Thursday. resources are designed to guide you through the restoration process of developing your heart, mind, and strength, enabling you to become the man God created you to be.

I also provide one-on-one coaching, if you want to improve your relationships, let’s connect through e-mail at ‘’.  My hope for you is that through these blogs, references, and resources, God will transform you from being bruised or broken to an abundantly blessed man.





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