When Our Emotions Trigger Unpleasant Memories
Previously, I shared that the good news is that both boys and men have a depth of emotions and feelings but lack the freedom to express or recognize them. Today, we’ll discuss the obstacles or struggles men face when they discover that emotions often trigger memories.
As I shared previously, feelings and emotional awareness strengthen our ability to connect and communicate with loved ones. Our feelings and emotions work similarly to the collision avoidance systems available on many new vehicles. To accomplish this, collision avoidance systems use various sensors capable of detecting unavoidable obstructions in front of a moving vehicle. Depending on the particular system, it may then issue a warning to the driver or take direct, corrective actions like braking.
Our feelings and emotions are the sensors that enable us to connect, communicate and correct any miscommunication with those we love. Unfortunately, for generations, men have been taught to suppress, deny, or ignore their feelings. Furthermore, a man’s unresolved memories can greatly hinder expressing his feelings or emotions.
The emotions we feel during a discussion or disagreement often connect us to memories of a past event or relationship when we had similar feelings. For many men, these emotions trigger unpleasant or unresolved memories that have been relegated to the hallways of our hearts.
We’d like to forget memories like past failures, broken relationships, or being deeply wounded by the callousness of someone we trusted too much. These memories are loaded with unpleasant emotions, anger, hurt, guilt, shame, betrayal, and resentment. Memories purposely tucked away, hoping we can ignore them by denying that they’ve harmed us. Memories of things said or done that we’ve never forgiven others or never forgive ourselves.
Memories that haunt your heart never go away. They remain right where you left them. As long as they remain unresolved, the emotions you feel today will always trigger one or two of these unpleasant memories just when you least expect it, often ruining your day or influencing your current relationship.
Consequently, many men continue to suppress or hide their emotions to avoid dealing with their unresolved past.
However, it doesn’t have to be that way. If we want to be able to recognize, affirm and express our emotions freely, we need to let go of the memories that haunt the hallways of our hearts. We can only do this by letting go of the pain of our past, which I will cover in greater detail in my next blog.
For now, know this, forgiving yourself of past mistakes, failures, and poor choices is vital to becoming the healthiest man you can be. You can’t earn forgiveness, but you can learn how to accept and apply it in your life and relationships. How? Fortunately, God’s Word gives us his guidance.
“So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view. At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view. How differently we know him now! This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!
And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him.” 2 Corinthians 5:16-18
Forgiveness and grace are freely given gifts to all who believe and receive Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. We can’t do it alone, nor are we supposed to. Learning to live the “new life” promised is why God gave us scripture, to illustrate and teach us how to let go of the old us and learn to live life in the Spirit, forgiven and free from the weights of our past.
Remember that God’s promises and forgiveness are forever, for always, no matter what.
I hope today’s blog has encouraged you. Make sure you sign up to receive blogs posted every Tuesday and Thursday. TransformingFamilies.org resources are designed to guide you through the restoration process of developing your heart, mind, and strength, enabling you to become the man God created you to be.
I also provide one-on-one coaching; if you want to improve your relationships, let’s connect through e-mail at ‘rturner@transformingfamilies.org’. My hope for you is that through these blogs, references, and resources, God will transform you from being bruised or broken to an abundantly blessed man.
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I hope today’s blog has encouraged you. Make sure you sign up to receive blogs posted every Tuesday and Thursday. TransformingFamilies.org resources are designed to guide you through the restoration process of developing your heart, mind, and strength, enabling you to become the man God created you to be.
I also provide one-on-one coaching, if you want to improve your relationships, let’s connect through e-mail at ‘rturner@transformingfamilies.org’. My hope for you is that through these blogs, references, and resources, God will transform you from being bruised or broken to an abundantly blessed man.
Randy, what an awesome blog entry here. This applies and fits both genders perfectly. Men are not taught to hide their feelings, though. We are taught to handle them in different ways than women. I also know many women in today’s culture (our society had given women the license to exploit their sexuality among other things) who flee from their memories to avoid the feelings of self wretchedness and poor moral decision making of their past. Focusing this on only men overlooks the reality permeating in our society today and exacerbate the evil double standard that puts women above men.